This funny short story begins with Barnaby Finch, a man who loved the silent, smooth ways of the 21st century. His home stood as a tribute to smart tools, and his life was a well-tuned plan. The only wild card in his setup was his cat, large and orange Persian by the name of Chairman Meow who held the vocal tones of an old door yet had a liking for resting on warm machines. This is a classic cat smart speaker story.
Tuesday. Barnaby wasn’t home. Chairman Meow considered the Aura smart speaker and decided that it would make an absolutely fantastic sun-warmed pillow. As he lay down, a low, rumbling purr vibrated against the sensitive microphone of the speaker. Aura was designed to pick up on even the faintest whispers and begin processing with chilling efficiency.
Barnaby got home to a flashing red light on his Aura. “Aura, what’s the notification?” he spoke out. The speaker came back with calm synthesized words, “Your smart speaker rubber duck order for ten thousand units of Classic Yellow Rubber Duck has been successfully placed and will be delivered by tomorrow morning.” Barnaby froze. “Aura, cancel order!” “I’m sorry, Barnaby,” the speaker chirped. “The order has already been sent would you like to hear a fun fact about the migratory patterns of the Arctic Tern?”
The next morning saw a semi-truck, house-sized in its dimensions, sitting quite placidly outside Barnaby’s apartment building. The driver, who later turned out to be known as Gus-shuffling papers and confusion equally-affirmed the delivery. “Ten thousand ducks, sir. Palletized. Where would you like them?” That was the end of Barnaby’s quiet, efficient life.
The ducks came in huge, clear plastic bags. Barnaby’s living room, formerly a minimalist retreat, rapidly transformed into a sea of yellow. The sheer absurdity of the situation finally got to him. He sat on his couch, which was now just a tiny island in the middle of a rubber duck ocean, and began to laugh. Chairman Meow, completely unconcerned started batting at one nearon the coffee table. Barnaby- a man who had never done anything spontaneous in his life, suddenly got an idea. He spent the next week- not trying to return the ducks, but rather by arranging them. He set them up on his balcony; a massive, yellow wave that could be seen from the street. He filled his bathtub with them. She filled her sink with them. He even filled his refrigerator with them. In his entryway, they rose in a giant pyramid of ducks six feet tall.
Passing by was a local art blogger who snapped a photo of the “Yellow Wave” on the balcony — which went overnight viral, and people came flocking to Barnaby’s street calling it, “The Absurdity of Modern Consumption” and “The Great Yellow Wave.” Smile. This unexpected viral rubber duck art installation was a hit.
Barnaby granted interviews from his living room filled with ducks, never bothering to correct the story and allowing the public to continue believing it was a profound artistic statement. He sold a few hundred ducks signed a few thousand and used the proceeds to buy himself a much larger apartment-one with a dedicated room for Chairman Meow plus, and very very quiet smart speaker. He found out that once in a while, the most great and funny things are those that totally mess up your set plan, and that a bit of mess, mainly if it’s yellow and squeaky, can be the best thing for the soul. This concludes our rubber duck story.
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